Friday, March 12, 2010

Today's Medicine: Forgiveness

I used to have a terrible relationship with the word “forgiveness.” I used to think it was all about justifying bad behavior and that if I forgave someone, including myself, then there were no consequences, no recognition of wrongs done to me or others. It was like saying, “It’s OK you hurt me like hell. You’re free to live your life without considering the havoc you wreaked in my life. Go along now, it will all be just fine.” It felt like I was giving permission to be harmed again. And I am SO not into that.

I realize now that I can work with forgiveness much easier now that I shifted the energy to include acceptance. I don’t need the other person to accept that they did wrong by me, although I’ll take it gratefully when it happens. I needed to accept that something happened, that I was harmed or did harm to another, and make my peace with that. If that means I say I’m sorry and do what I can to take responsibility for my part in the situation, I try my hardest to do so. If I sit and stew on what wrongs were done to me then I’m kind of stuck. And we all know what happens when things stay stuck too long- it hurts like hell when things start moving again. It eventually feels good to release that pain that I’m holding so tight- it’s MY pain and nobody can make me give it up!! And yet I’m often puzzled at how long I hold onto that pain and how exactly it’s serving me….

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Today's Medicine: Surrender

So I'm reading through a book called Shamanic Breathwork: Journeying Beyond the Limits of the Self by Linda Star Wolf. A couple friends and I are doing the section Thirty Shamanic Questions for Humanity, one for each day of March. Today I had to write a prayer of surrender, written to connect with the Divine. It was harder than I expected (gotta love it when expectation comes into play.) I think my blessed English ancestry, with it's stiff upper lip, comes into play. "Never give up, never surrender! Endure and you will be victorious!" Now I know better but it's interesting to see how much I resisted when I read that one little word: surrender. So I took a deep breath and started typing. This is what came out:

Divine One, Light of the World, King and Queen of All That Is, I yield to your Wisdom. I release my control over those things I have no control over: other people’s actions, thoughts and feelings, the suffering of all beings on the planet. I accept that I have only control over myself, my responses and reactions, my choices, thoughts, feelings, actions and how much I allow my ego to be in charge. With great gratitude I ask for your help in trusting that what comes each day is guided by your Wisdom and Love. Open my heart and make it Holy.

Funny what comes through when you disconnect that little thing called the ego...