Today's Medicine: Compassion and Community

If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete. - Jack Kornfield

North – Earth – Building Compassion and Community

Last night, I had people over for a Fire ceremony, where they had an opportunity put into the fire something they were ready to release. I find that the people who come are exactly the ones who are supposed to be there and this time was no different. It was an intimate ceremony and by the end of the evening there was such a sense of lightness, and although I could say that was mostly due to the home-made hot chocolate we had after, I know otherwise. It was because of the lowering of barriers and softness of heart that we gifted one another. And for this I am really grateful.

I bring this up because I often view myself as a community-phobic person. I am solitary by nature, not often joining in large groups for ceremony or ritual, preferring to work in smaller groups or alone. I don't like drama, and I don't mean the theatrical kind either. I don't like the struggles for dominance, power and attention that I've experienced in many larger group settings. It's only been in the last couple years that I have participated in community events that actually feel healthy to me, and this thrills me beyond words. I truly believe in this quote, which I found not too long ago:

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. - Jane Howard

This is so very true! The funny thing is that it took me finding a community to make me realize how much I missed not having one in the first place. Community to me provides not only a safe place for me to let it all hang out (and let me tell you, it's not all pretty!), it also makes me accountable. If I invite others to join in a Fire or Despacho ceremony, then I'd better follow through on it. It's also a good way for me to check in with myself about how I am viewed by the others around me. Having that pool for reflection is a Really Good Thing (tm). Especially when I really don't want to look at those shadowy bits of myself, it's good to have people in my life that make me peek at them every so often.

One of the other questions from Trauma Stewardship is really helpful as well: Ask yourself what your ancestors and those who raised you have done, throughout time, to heal themselves and others. When they experienced trauma, how did they go on? I found this helpful because it reminds me that I do indeed have allies who want to see me do more than just survive: they want me to thrive. And they are there for me to call on whenever I feel at a loss with how to work through something. I'm never, EVER, alone. Maybe I should have that tattooed on my arm; it might help me remember it better.

The North also reminds me the power of compassion. I realized this week that I truly ought to focus first and foremost on having compassion for myself. After all, if I judge myself harshly, I am more likely to judge others the same way. I have a bad habit of setting huge expectations of myself and of others, and this really does me no good. It's not a competition, for goodness sake! Everybody is living their lives the best that they can. Everyone suffers. If you are living, you are exposed to suffering. And it's really not my job to point out to others that their whinging on about their lives doesn't really make their lives any better. I can only monitor my own whinging and my actions upon said whinging. (I love that word, whinge. What can I say, I like odd words.)

I guess all I'm saying is that if I can't be kind to myself, how can I be kind to others? And maybe, just maybe, if I practice it often, I can show others that kindness isn't all that bad after all. Lord knows the world would be a better place if more of it was being actively practiced...

Today's Medicine: Change

And the day came

when the risk to remain tight in a bud

was more painful

than the risk it took to blossom.

- Anais Nin

South - Fire - Choosing our Focus

I was thinking today about the power of resistance and avoidance and how both are completely tied in with where I focus my time, energy, emotional and spiritual resources. I tend to be a bit on the stubborn side, and although some of the more kinder folk might say I'm persistent or determined, the truth is pretty clear. My stubbornness is a tool I've used to keep myself from being influenced or manipulated by others and it's served me well enough over the years. HOWEVER, I have to take a closer look now and make a choice of whether or not this stubbornness truly serves me. If I take a hard look at the situations I get stubborn about, I often see that it is directly related my resistance of some action that needs to be taken. It is also often linked to my desire to avoid a situation or task that needs doing. Neither of these behavior patterns are the healthiest and realistically I'm the only one who can change them.

I guess I'd best break out my tool box and see what might be helpful:

Re-framing. How can I shift my perception around so that I can see a different perspective on the situation? What needs to happen so that I can loosen my grip on stubborn self-righteousness so that I can shift the energy toward something more fruitful? I am reminded that in order to re-frame things, I need to drop the ego down a couple notches. It's difficult to re-frame my view of the world if I'm focused on being right, being in control or being insistent that there is no other way to see things.

Create Compassion. I need to be able to soften the hard edges so that I can be kind to myself and others. It doesn't do me any good to beat myself (or anyone else) up for not being "enough." I need the reminder that everyone is a spiritual being having a human experience. There isn't much that's going to change that reality during this turn of the Wheel, so why struggle with it all the time? I'm going to make mistakes and I'm going to learn from them. Sometimes I have to make the same mistake more than once in order to really figure something out. It doesn't make me stupid, it just takes a while for the lesson to absorb into my psyche. I know that once I get it, I GET it and that's what matters.

Choice. I have free will, I have the ability to choose my way in the world. I also need the reminder that choice is very seldom good or bad, right or wrong, one thing versus something else. Black and white are not the colors of my life: I live in the misty gray areas along the fringes of things, so why insist that it's otherwise? I can choose to be negative, to be apathetic, to be world-weary and cynical. I can choose activities that support those beliefs. Or I can make different choices, ones that help me expand into the world rather than retract from it. I can choose to go to sleep at a time that allows my body the right amount of rest and dreamings, or eat foods that make me feel more alive rather than sluggish. I need to remember that choices lead to changes and that change is life's only constant. The more fluid and resilient I can be, the better I'll be able to manage the unpredictable nature of daily living.

I think I will focus this week on the proper care and feeding of my body and soul. I will do those things which make me happy, as well think on and sort out some of the things that make me feel prickly and small. Not the easiest task in the world and not the hardest either. It will be interesting to see how things stand when I turn to the West next week...