If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete. - Jack Kornfield
North – Earth – Building Compassion and Community
Last night, I had people over for a Fire ceremony, where they had an opportunity put into the fire something they were ready to release. I find that the people who come are exactly the ones who are supposed to be there and this time was no different. It was an intimate ceremony and by the end of the evening there was such a sense of lightness, and although I could say that was mostly due to the home-made hot chocolate we had after, I know otherwise. It was because of the lowering of barriers and softness of heart that we gifted one another. And for this I am really grateful.
I bring this up because I often view myself as a community-phobic person. I am solitary by nature, not often joining in large groups for ceremony or ritual, preferring to work in smaller groups or alone. I don't like drama, and I don't mean the theatrical kind either. I don't like the struggles for dominance, power and attention that I've experienced in many larger group settings. It's only been in the last couple years that I have participated in community events that actually feel healthy to me, and this thrills me beyond words. I truly believe in this quote, which I found not too long ago:
Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. - Jane Howard
This is so very true! The funny thing is that it took me finding a community to make me realize how much I missed not having one in the first place. Community to me provides not only a safe place for me to let it all hang out (and let me tell you, it's not all pretty!), it also makes me accountable. If I invite others to join in a Fire or Despacho ceremony, then I'd better follow through on it. It's also a good way for me to check in with myself about how I am viewed by the others around me. Having that pool for reflection is a Really Good Thing (tm). Especially when I really don't want to look at those shadowy bits of myself, it's good to have people in my life that make me peek at them every so often.
One of the other questions from Trauma Stewardship is really helpful as well: Ask yourself what your ancestors and those who raised you have done, throughout time, to heal themselves and others. When they experienced trauma, how did they go on? I found this helpful because it reminds me that I do indeed have allies who want to see me do more than just survive: they want me to thrive. And they are there for me to call on whenever I feel at a loss with how to work through something. I'm never, EVER, alone. Maybe I should have that tattooed on my arm; it might help me remember it better.
The North also reminds me the power of compassion. I realized this week that I truly ought to focus first and foremost on having compassion for myself. After all, if I judge myself harshly, I am more likely to judge others the same way. I have a bad habit of setting huge expectations of myself and of others, and this really does me no good. It's not a competition, for goodness sake! Everybody is living their lives the best that they can. Everyone suffers. If you are living, you are exposed to suffering. And it's really not my job to point out to others that their whinging on about their lives doesn't really make their lives any better. I can only monitor my own whinging and my actions upon said whinging. (I love that word, whinge. What can I say, I like odd words.)
I guess all I'm saying is that if I can't be kind to myself, how can I be kind to others? And maybe, just maybe, if I practice it often, I can show others that kindness isn't all that bad after all. Lord knows the world would be a better place if more of it was being actively practiced...
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