I used to have a terrible relationship with the word “forgiveness.” I used to think it was all about justifying bad behavior and that if I forgave someone, including myself, then there were no consequences, no recognition of wrongs done to me or others. It was like saying, “It’s OK you hurt me like hell. You’re free to live your life without considering the havoc you wreaked in my life. Go along now, it will all be just fine.” It felt like I was giving permission to be harmed again. And I am SO not into that.
I realize now that I can work with forgiveness much easier now that I shifted the energy to include acceptance. I don’t need the other person to accept that they did wrong by me, although I’ll take it gratefully when it happens. I needed to accept that something happened, that I was harmed or did harm to another, and make my peace with that. If that means I say I’m sorry and do what I can to take responsibility for my part in the situation, I try my hardest to do so. If I sit and stew on what wrongs were done to me then I’m kind of stuck. And we all know what happens when things stay stuck too long- it hurts like hell when things start moving again. It eventually feels good to release that pain that I’m holding so tight- it’s MY pain and nobody can make me give it up!! And yet I’m often puzzled at how long I hold onto that pain and how exactly it’s serving me….
This is an interesting take on forgiveness. I don't have a problem with forgiveness exactly but I do hate wasting my time. Although I require candor in my close friends I don't want to play with people who don't possess an inner core of gentleness. I have worked with many brilliant people who seem to feel that acumen is an excuse for a lack of human respect. Fortunately they mostly worked for me or were attracted to me for whatever reasons. I am fairly good at modeling the behaviors I want in people and I am generally pleased with the impact I have on folks. Are you?
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